What’s in a name?
As the divorce proceedings wind down, I had to make a BIG decision—one that I had been thinking about for a long, long time. I needed to figure out who the heck I was going to be.
When I got married, I changed my last name. At that time, it was unnerving to think that Pam Brashear, newbie (but published) writer would just evaporate. The girl once that pounded the pavement and got herself a job on Capitol Hill would be gone. Forever.
I’m from a close-knit nuclear family. It made me sad to let go of my maiden name. I love my family. But he felt strongly about it, so I changed my middle name to my maiden name. Done and done.
Now that we’ve split, the answer seems simple right? Just go back to the maiden name. But nothing is ever that easy. Many things swirled through my head as I weighed the options.
For example, I have primary custody of the girls. Will it be weird for them if mommy has a different last name? Will it make us all feel like less of a family if our names are different? Will it cause confusion for them and/or school administrators/doctors/Girl Scout Troops if we aren’t all De Jongs?
Also, it’s natural for a woman to announce a name change at work when she gets married. But I can’t remember ONE woman that did a name change because of a divorce. What would I do then, announce at every meeting that I am once again a Brashear? And have to face the tilted head and unwanted pity for months? And all the related issues of people not remembering what the new name was or how to email or find me?
And what if I remarry someday? Yes, even after all this drama I’m hopeful that “the one” is out there somewhere. So what then? Someday I might change my name to match his. Especially if it’s Mrs. Bradley Cooper. But I digress. What if I keep it and he remarries and then there are two, wait, THREE Mrs. De Jongs if you count his mom? What is this? Big Love?
I was trapped. With a bad case of analysis paralysis.
I’ve worked REALLY hard at my career as Pam De Jong. For more than 10 years in heathcare communications, and as a freelance writer, and blogger here at OC Family. Several months ago, I was offered an AMAZING opportunity with OC Family. And all of the sudden it was crystal clear to me that there was only one woman for the job: Pam Brashear.
In fact, when April’s OC Family and Inland Empire Magazines hit the stands tomorrow, you’ll see what Pam Brashear had up her sleeve. She wrote the COVER STORY. For both magazines.
Pammie Sue is back, baby.
Wooooo!!!!!!!
good for you!!!!! (as a side note, I grew up with a different last name than my mom & step dad. it required a little extra explaining and often my mom was referred to as Mrs. Lafferty by default. But it was not bad at all. I did not ever feel weird about it. My mom always made sure I knew that it was ok to explain and nothing to be ashamed of!)
CONGRATS, Pam! I think it’s a great decision. And, I’m so excited to read your story. I’m in awe of your strength, endurance and intelligence. You go, girl!
By the way…I’m also know as Andrea “Red Wings” Memenas.
yay!!!
FTR, my mom has a different last name than i do, and it’s no big whoop. my brothers also have a different last name.
get this: my brother and his wife gave their kids (boy & girl) each one of their last names. the boy has my brother’s last name, the girl has his wife’s last name. strange but true! it has to do with his wife’s Asian tradition, i was told.
so don’t worry about it! Pammie Sue is back and better than ever!
side note, i have a funny story. a coworker married another coworker and took his last name. it’s an unusual name, not one you see often AT ALL. let’s say it’s “Hokey”. so she became Mrs. Hokey.
now, hubby had been married before. so ex-wife had also been Mrs Hokey. but then ex-wife remarried another man, whose last name was–*get this*–HOKEY! she never had to change her name or her credit cards or anything.
so maybe, just maybe, you’ll meet an unrelated Brashear out there, and never have to worry about a thing!
Yup. Perfect Pam. Great choice. Oh and I love you no matter what name you have.
Congrats Pammie! Your cover story is great – it is always interesting to explore the differences between the genders (especially since I have 2 boys
I kept my last name when I married and I have not had a problem with my kids being confused. They just know that Mom has a different last name and is proud of it!
I look forward to reading more articles written by you in the future!
Amazing and can’t wait to read your story! You give this little new-blogger-on-the-block hope that one day I’ll see my own name in print.
You’re kinda my idol right now
Woo hoo! Great post Pug and welcome back Brashear!
I smiled through the ENTIRE read !!
Awesomesauce!!!!
xoxox
Yay! Welcome back Pam Brashear! The cover story- woo hoo!