Mr. Braunalicious. Husband of five years, lover for 15, weight loss supporter forever.
We met in high school, and I was heavy. We dated while I was at my heaviest and lightest. He stood next to me at our wedding the smallest I’ve been in my adult life. He watched me carry both of our children and gain more than 50 lbs. each time then fight and struggle getting it back off. And he has never, never been anything but loving, patient, thoughtful and encouraging.
He is kind to me when I don’t know how to be kind to myself.
He wanted to write a post for this blog. Not for me, but for you. Because he’s learned a lot in the last 15 years and every pound for me either up or down has been a lesson for him. He’s not a writer by trade or hobby, and I watched him painstakingly type each word over the last few weeks until he felt it was just right.
From Mr. Braunalicious, the man supporting me, I give to you his perspective on women and weight loss…
So my wife and i agreed some time ago that I would write a post about my perspective on her journey with weight loss.
You need to know about me first. I am 6’3 and 200 pounds. I have a quick metabolism. I eat virtually what ever I want. However if the heathly eating suggestions from the biggest loser or yahoo news feed are easy enough to fit into my lifestyle, i tend to do them (ex: dont eat after 9pm). I come from a family of runners. Mom ran 3 marathons after having 9 kids. While I can go running for the sake of a work out, its is rare, i am lazy and don’t use this gift. The years have made me “softer,” but I know that the stress of weight loss is not something I ever have to bear.
My wife and I have had many conversations about diets, stopping and restarting work out plans and weight loss. I really believe that she handles this part of her life with focus and humility. This is not to say she doesn’t have moments of insanity like thinking that she could become a vegetarian. So for purposes of the bits of wisdom and advice heard here I will assume that most women are sane most of time and only need to be reminded of things in those crazy times.
Here is what you need to remember ALWAYS: most men can really only tell the difference with how happy you are with yourself. The visibility of weight loss is hard for someone who sees you everyday (and in my case isn’t very observant). You receive support in your diet and work out plans not because your husband thinks you need to shed a few, but because when you share with him a little victory, your smile lights up the room.
Extremes are hard for men to deal with. We have little to no idea how hard the diet or exercise regiment is that you have chosen is. So when you decide to go for a dessert, we think you earned it in some way, or you have quit the diet. Because men don’t feel like it isn’t our place to tell you that triple sundae ice cream is probably not in your current diet, assumptions about your level of commitment are made. You always have the right to set the record straight about plan, but it might mean you will be called out for indulging.
I really think that success in weight loss comes from how you see yourself. This isn’t one of the stupid ‘visualize a skinner you moments,’ it’s different. I will use Carrie as my example. Carrie sees herself as an active person, so she maintains a schedule that upholds this value. The only time I have seen this value be completely erased was pregnancy #1. She stopped seeing herself as active, and it took a few months for her to really get into an active mindset again. And now she is brave enough to step into one of my soccer scrimmages and play goalie again. Yes, she is also a person that likes chocolate, but minimal time in the average week is dedicated to this.
Weight loss is so personal; it can be closely tied to self worth. If you cannot talk about this part of life with whoever is most significant in you life than I believe that you have placed an obstacle in your journey to a healthier you. I have seen first hand the ups and downs of my wife’s journey and I believe just by lending a sympathetic ear, she copes with the roller coaster of fluctuations, diet, exercise and dessert cravings with more grace.
I’m not sure that I could be any more proud of that man.
Favor: he’s now asked me three times if I’ve posted this blog and if there are any comments. We all remember what it’s like to put that first post out there and refresh until you have some small sign that someone somewhere saw it. So leave Mr. Braunalicious a little blog love, and tell me who supports you.