Back to Work Dad

A Dad’s View on the ‘Mommy Wars’

I’ve been thinking a lot the last few days about the on going battle of the ‘Mommy Wars’ and frankly, the more I do so, the more inane it seems. You wonderful, caring, loving mothers fight about breastfeeding versus formula feeding. You fight about Stay at home, versus work at home, versus work at work. You fight about organic foods versus non-organic. You fight about vaccinations, and on, and on. But if you just took a second, you’d realize, that you’re really all fighting for the same thing, your kids.

We all fight a battle, Mom’s and Dad’s alike, to raise our kids the best we can. It shouldn’t matter how we get there, if kids are being raised with love and care.

For you breastfeeding advocates, I appreciate your passion, keep it up. For those of you who bottle feed, and use formula, you carry on with your bad selves; you are doing nothing but making sure your baby doesn’t go hungry.  For you stay at home Moms, your job is tough, one of the hardest there is. If you feel guilty about not contributing financially to your family, stop it. You are contributing in ways that are intangibly important and your family loves you for it. If you don’t feel guilty about it, great, you continue loving on your family, they love you for it.  For you Mom’s that are working because your family needs you to, keep your chin up. You are sacrificing for your family, and they love you for it. You Mom’s who are working because you feel like you have talents that extend beyond the walls of your house? I say good on you, carry on, keep it up, your family loves you for it.

For the rest of it, please, for the love of God, accept that there is more than one way to raise a child. Every child is different, every parent is different. The world thrives on that diversity, but it can also be beat up by it. Look deeper, beyond the labels that society puts on the different sides of the ‘war’ and ask yourself, is the child loved? Are they happy? Are they cared for? If the answer is yes, that’s what matters.

A Flashback

Do you remember when this:

Was all you needed to have an adventure?

When we would leave the house shortly after breakfast, and not return until the street light’s came on? And our parents didn’t worry one bit, and since this was before cell phones, there was no way for them to get a hold of us anyway. Oh, the adventures my friends and I had, forts were built, battles were waged, epic two hand touch football games were played. When we got hurt, we shook it off and played some more, when we got tired we sat, hungry? We went to the nearest friend’s house and raided the fridge.  What happened to those days?

Some would argue that the world was a safer place then. I’m not so sure, I think that with today’s technology and 24 hour news cycle, we just hear about the danger more. That makes the world a scarier place to send our kids out in. I can’t even say that I’ll feel comfortable enough to send my boys out into the world by themselves, certainly not without some kind of electronic leash. But I do think I can help them use that imagination, and give them a place to explore, the freedom to adventure. It’s up to me really, to turn off the TV, and make something happen for them. It’s up to me, to cut back on the episodes of Phineas and Ferb, and games of Angry Birds on the iPad. It’s up to me to help them find wonder.

Because you know what? Wonder is still out there.

A Revelation

Or maybe it’s more of a conviction. Either way it’s a bit of a realization for me. Do I spend more time documenting the lives of my children, than I do living their lives along side them? This is kind of a big deal for me. Seeing as it’s my job to be on Facebook/Twitter/Instagram. I document the lives of products and brands for a living. As you can see though, in the picture above, I do A LOT of documenting of kids lives too. Maybe too much. Maybe you’re like me, and you think it’s fun to post creative pictures of your kids, of the location you happen to be at. But I’m starting to wonder if it’s too much. Am I missing out on my kids lives by spending too much time taking pictures of them while it’s happening? I think I might.  This is troubling to me. I don’t want to miss out on them. Last week I talked about building memories, and I find myself feeling the hypocrite. I think it’s time to change things up. I think it’s time to put my phone down while playing with the boys. I still need to do work, I still need to check pages and timelines, but I can cut out the extra photos, the extra tweets, and the attempts to create something artistic from a park landscape. Mostly though? I think it’s time to play.

Building Memories

Let’s keep the fact that I haven’t posted in months between you and me, okay? Many of you who know me, or follow me on Instagram know and are insanely jealous  of that fact that I get to take my boys to Disneyland about once a week. It’s something that both they and I look forward to, and it’s something that I for one (and hopefully them too) will remember and look back on fondly.

I think it’s incredibly important for us as parents to provide opportunities for our kids to use their imaginations, and build memories. They are after all, kids, and we should let them be kids. Running around, climbing on things, flying through the air. The sounds of laughter and adventure are second to none.

Of course, Disneyland passes are a bit of an expensive way to create memories, and there are lots of other favorites. The park is our other favorite. But here’s the key, at least for me. Get in their and play with your kids.  Run, jump, chase, play freeze tag. Let them lead you around, set the game, take you where their imaginations will take you. You will never regret spending extra time with your kids.

A little challenge for you guys.

So I’ve been thinking a lot about what I need to write about here, or more to the point, what I haven’t been writing. I came to the realization that I have a heart for the families around me, the Dads like me. So that said, what was the first thing to come to mind? The quote I’ve used time and time again “The best way to love your children, is to love their mother.”  I believe whole-heartily that if you want to show your children how to love, start by setting a good example.

Here’s the thing, Dad’s, our boys will model themselves after us, and our daughters will model their husbands one day by our example. That’s kind of a weight mantle to pick up right? Not for us though,  because we’re men, we got this. But where to start? Simple, a kiss. Here’s your challenge guys. Stop reading this right now, and go kiss your wife. Go on, I’ll wait. Done? Okay, now. go do it again, in front of your kids.  Reading this at work, well, guess what, you’ve got homework. When you walk in the door tonight kiss her. Remember you married her for a reason.

Now you mom’s out there, you think you’re off the hook? You’re not. But, you’re task is simple too, kiss him back.

Now, get to it and come back and tell me how it went in the comments.

The First #tweetnplay

So that went great! Okay, no it didn’t. But me and the boys had fun. And I’ve got a new title: “Captain Dad.” So there’s that. It’s too bad none of you made it out, because look at all the fun we had:

I mean, we always have a good time. In fact my boys made friends with a couple of other guys there and they were fast friends. Of course, I think my boys could make friends with a tree if it talked. We ran, we jumped, we sweated (it’s was just a wee bit humid) and we laughed. Which is the sign of any good play date, even if we were stood up.

So, next week, I’m going to try something a little different. Since Little dude is going to be done with his “Summer School” I’m going to move the park time to the morning. What do you think? Will that work better for you? Or should I just accept the fact that you don’t want to can’t hang with us?

I am Soooo Back (This is Going to be Fun)

Today marks the beginning of a new phase in my life. The working from home phase. Yup, I’ve been spending the last year (well, something like 340 days,) working for the church as well for Razor. Don’t get me wrong it’s be great, the people I work with at both places are awesome, and at the church I had the pleasure of effecting people’s spiritual lives. Recently though, my beautiful wife went back to work, (okay, that was 4 months ago,) and since she is a high powered marketing executive, my work at the church became a luxury. It’s weird to think of a job as a luxury, right? So, with more flexibility needed on my part, I decided that the church needed someone who could give them more time. So now? Here we are:

My new home, and the command center for all things social media and Back To Word Dad. I’ll be working from home, playing with the boys between tweets and content creation, and generally bringing the awesome in a more concentrated form. And I’m going to start with something that should be a ton of fun…

…Starting with next Wednesday the 25th, and every Wednesday after that, I’m kicking off a weekly park tweet up. I’ll pick a different park every week, get there, check in on Instagram (follow me at adam_thedad) and foursquare around 3:30, and once your kids wake up from their naps, come on down and get the wiggles out! who’s in?

30 Rules for Dads of Sons

Shh…. Let’s not talk about the fact that I haven’t blogged in a very very long time. Let’s pretend it never happened, k?

So I caught a blog post about 50 Rules for Dads of Daughter that was inspired or written out of this blog. So I took a look around, and saw a couple of posts for Dads of sons, but none that really worked for me. So, I decided to make my own. Here it is.

1. Hold his hand while he still lets you. Notice how small it is in your hand, remember how little he is, cherish this time.

2. Show him how to love his Mother. His Mom, and his future wife will appreciate it.

3. Be silly.

4. Let him push the little cart at the grocery store. He will be the best helper you’ve ever had (just watch your ankles.)

5. Hug him.

6. Give him kisses, there will definitely be a time when that just won’t be cool.

7. Throw him in the air, as high as you can, watch his face light up when you catch him. This will help him to be fearless.

8. Chase him when he asks you to, make monster noises while doing so.

9. Teach him to drive a stick shift.

10. Let him help you clean the house, cross your fingers that it sticks.

11. Sing to him before bed, the songs you sing to him now, will soothe his soul later.

12. Let him fall and hurt himself, he’ll learn faster that way.

13. Encourage him to help make dinner.

14. Check in on him before you go to sleep at night, the memory of it will stay with you always. Remember what you see after he’s just wrecked the family car.

15. Push him on the swings, if he wants to go higher, by all means oblige him.

16. Read to him, anytime he wants.

17. Sing along with him, at the top of your lungs.

18. Listen.

19. Let him nap on you. Know that he can sleep so soundly because he feels safe with you.

20. Teach him to throw a baseball, kick a soccer ball, shoot a free throw, or hit a golf ball. Whatever you are into, share your love of that with him.

21. Let him pick out what clothes he wears, he wants to feel independent.

22. But push for the matching PJ’s.

23. Two words: Pillow Fight.

24.  Know that there is no better place to be then on your shoulders.

25. Teach him to open doors, pull out a chair, and escort a lady by the crook of their arm. Don’t let chivalry die.

26. Be his hero.

27. Try and be patient.

28. Always go back for the extra hug, one day, it will be hard enough to get the first one.

29. Never miss an opportunity to make a funny face.

30. Never stop loving, caring, or laughing. Let his joy in life, infect every aspect of yours

I just can’t do it anymore

It’s weird, and I don’t know if other parents have the same problem, but I just can’t read/watch/hear anything where something happens to a child without getting choked up about. I’m not just talking about stuff on the news either. I can’t even read the first Harry Potter book without getting misty eyed my eyes sweating. These things make me think immediately of my boys, and how devastated I would be if something, anything were to happen to them.

I never used to be like this, I wouldn’t think twice about what the kids in the Chronicles of Narnia were going through when they were shipped off to some place other than home. But now? Not so much, I mean, how could I live with myself if something happened to these two:

I want to give them the world, and I couldn’t live without them.

A West Coast, New York, New Years

I know, odd right, how can you be on two coasts at once? Well you can’t, but we bring New York to our house on New Years eve, well, at least the time zone. If you are like me and have a couple of young kids, who would be a complete disaster come midnight, I suggest you join us this year. This is actually our 5th year having our little New years shindig, and while the players will change a bit this year, the fun remains. We have everyone come over around 6pm and everyone brings an appetizer or dessert, and we just have a good time. Everyone wears their PJ’s, which is essential to having a relaxed New Year’s. I’ll also decorate the backyard so the kids will have a place to run around. To top it all off, we watch the ball drop at Midnight, eastern time, yup, 9pm pacific, which means the kiddo’s get to sleep early, and with (hopefully) little drama.

It’s been a lot of fun over the years, take a walk down memory lane with me will you:

This is 2007, this right here is THE Eli from Eli’s lids. Notice a very pregnant Beautiful Wife.

In 2008 we had a bit of a baby boom around here, this is a classic kid picture, little dude is in the blue, with his eyes covered.

This is one of my favorites, from 2009, little dude, smack dab in the middle, smiling midst the chaos.

Then we have last year, the baby making continues, and now mini dude joins the party, next to little dude, in the middle.

And there you have it, I hope that however you celebrate you have a great, and safe time.